How to Build a Jewish Prayer Practice

The first time I showed up to a synagogue in my life, I knew the letters 'chaf', 'shin' and 'reish', but could not separate an 'aleph' from a 'beit'. The only reason I knew those letters - spelling out the word 'kosher' is because I had traveled to Israel years earlier and learnt to recognize the letters on restaurant signage. 

In other words, synagogue worship was a complete mystery to me and the culture shock was total. More than twenty years later, I've been a congregational rabbi for almost a decade and I am now helping others find their way through Jewish worship, prayer and liturgy. And I know from personal experience that it's, well, a lot. Jewish prayer is an incredibly rich but also confusing experience. 

I will probably write an article in the future about 'how to show up at a synagogue'. For the sake of this post, I am focusing my attention on how to build a Jewish prayer practice at home, which can be even more confounding. At least in synagogue, you can peek over the shoulder of a neighbor to find out the page number or ask questions of the person seated next to you. (And don't be embarrassed to do so: synagogue regulars tend to be Jews and Jews love asking and answering questions!) When starting an at-home prayer practice, it is easy to become overwhelmed; both by the structure of the liturgy as well as its volume. 

Of course, I am not the only person (or rabbi) who has written a guide on how to pray Jewishly. There are countless articles or YouTube on how to put on a tallit, wrap tefillin or navigate the siddur (prayerbook) with or without the relevant nusakh (melodies). These technical skills are useful but they don't really solve the issue for the beginning worshiper or 'pray-er' on how to build a practice from scratch without being overwhelmed. So this is exactly the process I will be focusing on here. 

(Please note that my rabbinate and Jewish practice are inclusive of all genders. This also applies to the time-bound commandments ('mitzvot aseh she'hazman grama') such as tallit and tefillin. As a cisgender female, I have been using both prayer items for close to two decades and my egalitarian practice is adequately grounded in traditional sources and non-negotiable).

1. Where to start: there are two possible approaches you can take to building a prayer practice, depending on your personal preference, learning journey and philosophical orientation. If you like reading and exploring Judaism more in-depth, I would recommend reading a book on Jewish liturgy, such as 'Entering Jewish Prayer' (Conservative) or 'To Pray As a Jew' (Orthodox). These tomes do not make light reading but they will flawlessly explain the complex structures of the liturgy and are an essential tool to understanding traditional Jewish prayer. Once you're empowered with this knowledge, you can start sorting out your 'prayer priorities'. 

If you want a more experiential and gradual way in, start by selecting a short key prayer from the liturgy and reciting that, if possible, at a set time of day. The BimBam YouTube channel has great mini-movies that explain and showcase different Jewish prayers. With this method, you can grow your prayer practice 'from the inside, out' and add more as you gain skill and confidence. 

2. Selecting your prayers to work with: whether you're following the first or the second option, you will in any case arrive at the point where you want to start davvening (praying). Even if you have mastered the texts and structures of traditional prayer on a cognitive level, it is still important to start small. Here is a short list of prayers you can start your prayer practice with:

In the morning, Modeh/Modah Ani (thanking God for waking up), Elohai Neshamah (thanking God for the return of the soul after sleep), Birkot haShachar (morning blessings), Yotzer Or (blessing for the new day), Sh'ma (declaration of God's unity) and the (shortened) Amidah (standing prayer). You can do each of these individually and work to add more of these prayers. They work well as standalone prayers (most take between 1 and 5 minutes) but if you want to push yourself a little further, you can combine them for a fairly complete outline of a traditional prayer service. In the afternoon, you can do the Amidah. In the evening, you can do Ma'ariv Aravim (the prayer that corresponds to Yotzer Or and blesses God for the night), the Sh'ma, the Hashkiveinu (bedtime prayer) or the Amidah. 

3. Choose your siddur (prayerbook): depending on your Hebrew fluency, denominational preference and learning journey, choose a siddur to work with, or try multiple siddurim to see which one you like best. As a general rule, the more traditional a siddur is, the more 'complete' it will be and the less likely it will have transliteration (Hebrew words in Latin script). Hence, traditional siddurim have a learning curve, unless you get one that is specifically transliterated or has a translinear translation. If you are a liberal or egalitarian Jew, I highly recommend the Reform Movement's Mishkan T'filah, for its accessibility, clarity and beautiful alternative readings. I really want to emphasize that it is really ok to pray in the vernacular when you are unfamiliar or not confident in the Hebrew. (Even I pray in the vernacular often, even though I know the Hebrew well, because it heightens my kavvanah/sacred intention). 

4. Choose your ritual objects, if any: if you would like to wear a kippah, tallit (prayer shawl) or tefillin (phylacteries - which is actually the most unhelpful translation for tefillin!), then research and select which ones you wish to acquire. A kippah is worn during all prayer and sacred study, a tallit is worn during all morning prayers, tefillin are worn on weekdays only. Please note these items come in all price ranges and budgets so be discerning in selecting what fits your budget best. A kippah and tallit are easy to master; tefillin often require an in-person teaching moment with an experienced tefillin wearer. Do not hesitate to reach out to your friendly neighborhood rabbi (of any gender) to teach you how!

5. Choose your prayer location: Jewish prayer can be executed anywhere, apart from places of defilement (such as the bathroom), but selecting a place in your home (or office) where you feel most comfortable and calm is helpful. You want to build a set of associations with your 'prayer place'. This could be near a window for natural light, a quiet place in the house or near your Jewish books. You can even pray on or in your bed, unless it is traditional to stand (like during the Amidah, the standing prayer). 

6. Set your kavvanah (sacred intention): the power of prayer lies in the construction of our inner universe. We enter a framework of prayer, or a prayerful mood by setting our intention. It is no wonder that Jewish prayer is very visceral: we move, shuckle (gently rock back and forth on the rhythm of the recitation), bow, bend the knee or waist, kiss the tzitzit, drape the tallit over our heads and clutch the siddur, to name a few tangible actions. All these actions are meant to heighten our kavvanah, so engage in them freely. Other ways to set kavvanah is to limit distractions (silence your phone!), play spiritual music before or after prayer, perform ablutions on your hands (wash your hands with a cup of water), study a Jewish text or give a small amount of tzedakah (righteous giving/charity). There is also nothing wrong with meditating before prayer, quieting the mind, going for a walk or burning incense. Even a simple declaration of 'I am now going to pray/commune with Oneness/worship the Holy One' can help. 

7. Do not be inhibited and make sure you feel 'safe': prayer is intensely personal. This is the case for public (synagogue) prayer, and all the more so for private prayer. Many of us may have to release expectations of prayer, or what we thought prayer to be: whether we grew up in a different religion, no religion or are deconstructing and reconstructing the Judaism of our youth. The notion of prayer hinges on an amazing sense of holy chutzpah (audacity): that we as finite mortal beings can somehow enter into meaningful and transformative communion with the infinite Divine. It is a wonderful chutzpah and prayer is a great gift. Allow yourself to 'feel' prayer on your terms, at your pace. Prayer can also be triggering, unsettling and emotional. While these can be real avenues of spiritual growth, remember that you are in control of the process and that it is within the bounds of good self-care and self-preservation to only engage in prayer and spiritual practice if you feel safe, protected and honored. At the same time, give yourself permission to feel, process, experiment, express yourself and be authentic in your prayer practice, no matter what anyone else - or even the Jewish tradition - says. 

8. Jewish prayer is a marathon, not a sprint: Jewish prayer is incredibly complex and voluminous. Do not expect instant mastery or complete fulfillment of the mitzvah of t'filah (prayer). If you choose to use the set liturgy, build it up slowly. Think of Jewish prayer as a workout practice: you need a warm-up and a cool down and you're not going to go from 'couch potato' to '5k' instantly. Be gentle with yourself. Jewish prayer (and the mitzvot more generally) are a marathon, not a sprint. Build your practice slowly and thoughtfully. Constancy and consistency are more effective in laying down an enduring prayer practice than length or duration. Even a one minute daily prayer practice can be deeply meaningful. Also remember that just as it is okay to have strong feelings during prayer, it's also okay to not have feelings (or not have feelings all the time) during prayer. Sometimes prayer is rote, boring and without emotion - and can still have added value by virtue of its structure, discipline and contemplative nature. No-one but you can be the arbiter of your prayer experience and your prayer experience does not always have to be ecstatic or emotive. 

9. Pray from the heart: do not confuse Judaism's strong liturgical tradition with a discouragement to pray from the heart. On the contrary! The liturgy is suppose to 'massage' us into a spiritual state where praying from the heart comes easier to us. Sometimes we can find our own words; and when we cannot, the siddur is there to help us. There are several natural junctures in the liturgy where you can insert your extemperaneous prayers: when you wake up, after the morning blessings (just add on your own!), and most importantly, after the last blessing of the Amidah (before 'Oseh shalom bimromav'). Other moments for spontaneous prayer are when performing such mitzvot as candle lighting, challah taking/baking, visiting the mikveh, studying Torah and giving tzedakah. I always make a point of praying extemperaneously towards the end of the Amidah, while I am metaphorically still 'standing in the court of my Sovereign'. I even do this on the bimah when I am leading services - the congregation will just have to wait a few more seconds! 

Prayer from the heart, of course, does not only have to be extemperaneous prayer in verbal form. It can also be through prayer journaling, art, singing along to worshipful music, in Nature or through movement. Be creative! 

10. Review your prayer practice: once you have settled into your practice and you are comfortable with it, do not be afraid to review it. What works? What doesn't? What feels 'fresh' and what feels 'stale'? Do I want to draw on inspiration from another source, siddur or denomination? Do I want to add to my practice or edit it down? What circumstances in my life have changed? Has my theology and worldview changed? Ask yourself these questions and do not be afraid to review your practice or even to take a break from your practice and come back to it at a future point. And... have fun with it! 

Contemporary prayers from Mishkan T'filah

In conclusion, enjoy the process and be open to fall in love with prayer and with God. You will see an image here with some of my favorite prayers/readings from Mishkan T'filah, the Reform siddur. These very much help set my kavvanah. 

It is helpful to remember that prayer is the fifth dimension of the soul. Whether or not we believe in a personal God, prayer is by definition a relational act, even if the object of our relationality (ie. God/Divinity/Cosmos/Totality of Being) does not have a personal nature. For those of us more comfortable with the idea of a personal God, the relationality of prayer becomes only the more relevant. 

Prayer is about developing an entirely new relationship: not with other people, with Nature, inanimate objects or yourself, but with the Divine. Prayer can be incredibly helpful, powerful and healing. At the same time, it can also be confrontational and difficult. It is up to you to set the course for your prayer life in a way that feels healthy and meaningful to you and that develops your 'inner universe'. Most importantly, remember that Judaism affirms belief in a loving God. Whether we feel distant or close to such a God, it is crucial to remember that prayer is an act of love, for both the donor and recipient, and that love is the cornerstone of Jewish spiritual and ritual practice. Let love - for self, others, world and God - be your lodestar in your prayer life and the rest will fall into place. 

After that fateful synagogue visit over two decades ago, I have praying Jewishly and haven't stopped. It has become a foundation of my life, my relationship to God and humanity. Try it sometime. 

Resource: Rabbi Mike Comins, 'Making Prayer Real.'